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Remembering Corban

It was a month ago today that I sat in a stuffy, heater-on-in-winter balcony in a church in New York to mourn the passing of someone I'd never met. Corban Abner Light, son of our dear friends Malcom and Cyndi, died at 22 weeks old.

While sitting on the couch with Malcolm that weekend, he said something that really stuck with me—“One of our greatest fears is that people will forget him.”

For those not involved in tragedy, it’s easy to forget that those directly affected may never truly ever stop grieving. And while our sympathy for them at the time is sincere and deep, it soon wanes as the regularity of life steps back in. But for those who have lost, life never really goes back to being normal.

And it’s especially easy to forget the unborn. We never met them; we never shook their hand or swung them around like a helicopter. We never celebrated a birthday, and we don't have pictures showing us together making funny faces. For most people, besides the mother, they almost never existed.

But Corban was real and loved and designed by God for His glory.

“I just want to be able to say something like, ‘I think Corban would have enjoyed being here’,” Malcolm said.

So here’s to Corban, and the many others like him who never got to breathe our air and rest in our arms. And the parents and family who still love them, even though they’re gone.

With his permission, I’m sharing Malcolm’s words that were read by one of his fellow pastors at Corban’s memorial service on February 2, 2008.

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I have always enjoyed naming things. For example, my first car was named Spud, because, well, it looked like a potato on wheels. The name fit the life my car led.

Names can tell us a lot about something. They can tell us about the usefulness of an object, the function something should perform, and the intent of what has been designed.

For Cyndi and I, the endeavor of choosing a name for our children rises to the level of being a sacred act – it is something that we will talk about very early during her pregnancies, and decide on shortly thereafter.

Another thing that is routinely done in naming our children is that I give “suggestions” of possible names so that Cyndi can feel like work is being done in checking potential names off the list. My suggestion this time was to name the baby Jackhammer Igloo, two things I think are great and go great together – scratch that one!

Benjamin, as his name means, is the son of my strength. Josiah, you will discover as you are around him, lives up to the meaning of his name too, which is Fire of the Lord.

The giving of names is a great honor and gift to someone, and to be called by our names is to give dignity and compassion to one another.

I believe God has designed this impartation of dignity and care into our very beings. God seems to take delight in giving and using names. In Isaiah, God calls to the nation of Israel to comfort them, and speaks intimately to them saying, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” For the Jew, to call someone by name is to exert control over them, to own them. When God calls our names that means that God owns us, that we are not only subject to Him, but also intimately connected to Him – in a word, we are known. When God calls our name, all that we are can be discovered.

Names are important because they allow us to be known.

None of us here will know Corban the way that we would have wanted to. But I want to give you a glimpse of who my son is and allow you to get to know him by telling you about his name.

Like our other boys, Corban’s name was chosen very early in Cyndi’s pregnancy. And also like his brothers before him, Corban’s middle name came from someone that Cyndi and I held very dear to us. Corban’s middle name, Abner, which means father of light, is given in honor of Cyndi’s grandfather, a man we both love and respect greatly.

We had decided to call our son, if we had another son, Corban long before we knew what lay ahead of us.

All of my children’s names can be found in the Bible. Corban’s is found only once, in Mark 7:11.

If you look up the meaning of the name Corban you will see that it is an offering or gift given to God.

Corban is not a person, but a thing; an act of worship. A Corban was a specific type of offering among the Jews in which something was specially dedicated and set aside for God’s use alone – whatever was being offered, whatever was being declared Corban, was to only be used for God’s specific purposes.

In Leviticus 23:16, we see an example of a Corban offering, “Count off fifty days up to the day after the seventh Sabbath, and then present an offering of new grain to the LORD.” The offering that is being declared Corban is the grain that is being given to God’s purposes only.

Corban’s journey began nearly two years ago as Cyndi and I laid in bed one night and she asked what I thought about having another baby. I was surprised by the question, because anytime I had suggested another child in the past, I was reminded that my part was far more fun and exciting a role to play than the actual performance of game day that my Cyndi would have to participate in. We were content with our family and what we had been given.

But Cyndi had been recently attending a bible study on prayer, and as she was growing in praying more in her life, she began to sense that God was moving in her to give up some things from her life – namely to give up control of something in her life.

As we laid in bed talking that night, Cyndi began to tell me that she believed that one of the ways she could respond obediently to what she was sensing God was teaching her, was to give up some control over her own body.

When Cyndi frantically came into my office this past September handing me an envelope with a stick and a plus sign on it – Corban became a fitting first name for the offering of surrendered obedience Cyndi and I together gave to God. It was a name that would remind us how we got him, and whose he really was.

When we decided on this name we could not begin to imagine how fitting it would also be in our grief. There is little that Cyndi and I have been able to teach Corban, other than that the environment of safety and security he knew in Cyndi’s womb would have been duplicated to the best of our abilities when he entered into our world.

We have not gotten to know our son the way we would have wanted to, but now through the giving of his name, we have gotten to know and learn who he was for the time he was given to us. Through Corban, we have learned that despite our circumstances our God is faithful. We would never have chosen the path we are on, however, we have learned more fully that God’s grace given to us is indeed sufficient for our needs.

Corban has also taught Cyndi and I the value of family and friends, and community. You who are here have poured yourselves out for us. We have been given meals, comfort, prayers, and hugs – expressions of your love and care for my family that I cannot begin to convey thanks for.

Corban was our offering of submissive obedience to God. He has become our offering of praise.

Fear not Corban, for God has redeemed you; He has summoned you by your name Corban; and you are His.

Of Death

Death is a wicked, evil thing. It is the ultimate penalty paid for Adam & Eve’s rebellion. Yet, amongst the sorrows, we can find hope and love and joy.

On Monday, Laura’s grandmother (Mimi) came to spend the week with us leading up to the funeral on Saturday. During the few chances we've had to sit alone and talk, her complete adoration for her husband has been so clear. She has loved him so deeply and for so long that she was just… weak without him. In fact, it seemed at times that her love for him was all that was holding her together.

Last night I sat with Laura’s aunt, compiling photos to make some tributes videos for the service. Decades of photo after photo after photo displayed the same beautiful image—a near fathomless love captured in their eyes, smiles, hugs and kisses. An arm around a shoulder. A knowing look. A sly grin. Love throughout.

It was sad to see this wonderful couple, so vibrant in their youth, now hobbled by age. But laid out before me was evidence of a life full of love and adventure, of family and friends. It made me want to wake my wife and children, hop in the car, and just drive somewhere, do something. Hug them and kiss them and make sure they knew how much I loved them. Bound in my sorrow for Mimi was this welling up of desire to let those I love know just how deeply I cherish them.

After grandpa’s obituary ran, the local newspaper called. They were so impressed with his life that they wanted to do a short story on him. While 88 years could never be captured in 400 words, it’s a touching tribute to an incredible man.

But for all the full, long lives that are lead, there many which are tragically cut short.

About two weeks ago, my best friend and his wife discovered that their baby, only 20 weeks old, would almost certainly not reach term. And even if it did, it would not live long afterwards. This morning, they discovered it had died sometime in the last 18 hours.

"We do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him." —1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

Other friends Josh and Tina have spent the last seven months with their baby girl Ella living in the NICU, not knowing if each of her breaths might be her last. Last year, a couple that is friends from college watched as their boy went from a healthy 2 ½ year old, through paralysis, inability to speak, and eventually death in six months due to an incurable disease.

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” —James 4:13–15

We do not know when death will claim us. But we do know that God is in control, that He has a plan, and that He wishes for none to perish eternally. If you are uncertain about what awaits you after this life, I encourage you to check out what Jesus said about it.

I hope I have many years ahead of me to share with my wife, my children, and hopefully my grandchildren. To have joyous reunions with old friends and to make many new ones.

But I may not be alive tomorrow. You might not be, either. So I’m looking at death, feeling the pain, seeing the joy, and trying to make today count. Tomorrow, too, if the Lord wills it.

The Heidelberg Project

Cleaning off my (computer) desktop, I came across this link I'd saved to post about.

Resurgence is a web/teaching offshoot from the Mars Hill Church gang. Their goal "is to provide a large repository of free missional theology resources in hopes of serving the cause of the gospel of Jesus Christ in culture." (more)

What caught my eye was something called "The Heidelberg Project". It was a podcast they ran all last year. They took the 52 parts of the Heidelberg Confession/Catechism and had different people read a different part each week.

You can get all but the first two weeks through the feeds they offer. I had to download the first two episodes manually.

Very cool resource. It's a great way to explore one of the key confessions of the Reformation with a very small time commitment. Each episode is 3 minutes at the longest; most are 2 minutes or less. If my kids were a tad older, I'd probably have our family listen to one every Sunday on the way to church for a year. Of course, I guess I could do just that in a few years. :-)

A Monday Meditation

A stirring reflection on the line "It was my sin that held Him there" and the enormity and intentionality of Christ's sacrifice. "It was death by love."

John Piper For Free

I'm not sure when this started, but you can get a whole bunch of John Piper's books for free in the store section his Desiring God website. I'm not talking online excerpts or whatnot. These are PDFs of the whole book. Formatted, no less.

From bestsellers like Desiring God and Don't Waste Your Life to new releases The Supremacy of Christ in a Postmodern World and What Jesus Demands from the World, they're all there. Just look for a little "Read this book online" link under the product description. It almost always links to a PDF. Study guides, too.

UPDATE: I just found a post here explaining their philosophy behind all this.

How Great Is Our God

Don't know if you've been following the story of Baby Ella (first baby of college friends Josh & Tina, and not to be confused with Jeri's "Elah" post), but on her 87th day in this world, her parents finally got to hold her. Praise upon praise to our loving and gracious God. The gifts He give are truly amazing.

Keeping The Main Thing The Main Thing

From Soverign Grace Homeland Mission:

Two years ago today, the largest and most costly natural disaster to strike the USA ravaged our town. And if you're tired of hearing about New Orleans and the impact of Hurricane Katrina, just imagine how difficult it is for us living here to endure the seemingly non-stop silliness and negative press.

The reality, however, is that God sovereignly ordained this tragedy for His glory and purpose, and part of that intention is that His gospel be proclaimed and lived out before men.

It is to that task that we set our minds and plows.

With your help, we seized this unprecedented opportunity to plant an outpost for truth in a very dark region that revels in sin and open abandon. Together, we took up the call and established an anchoring. Now, as we press on amidst the rebuilding and related hands-on ministry with a handful of long-term volunteers, we ask for your renewed help.

Our main needs are:

* Prayer for wisdom, perseverance and God's continued provision. * Skilled workers (carpenters, drywallers, painters, plumbers, tilers, etc.) to help put people back in their homes. * Skilled finishers to help put our relief operation into its new building. * Financial support for long-term volunteers, fuel, supplies and materials.

For further details, see our Sovereign Grace Homeland Missions news blog.

By His grace and for His glory,

Charles Busby and Eddie Exposito
Elders, Sovereign Grace Fellowship Slidell, Louisiana

From their site:

We invite anyone who is interested in evangelism to come and meet the local people. We invite anyone who wants to help us feed and clothe those who come to our relief center to come and serve. We invite anyone who wants to rebuild to come and build. And anyone who would pray for us who cannot come, please pray.

We can accommodate up to 30 people at a time and have all the facilities you would need. Even if you are just a single person or a family or a couple we would love to have you visit and labor with us. If you would like to plan a group event us just email Laura at homeland@sgfellowship.org and we will arrange it. We are taking groups year round and have developed a special men’s week study/work series entitled “Leading as Men” that has proven to be a wonderful time of equipping men in the faith. Contact us for details. (985)643-8215.

Thanks for the reminder, centuri0n.

Next Stop—(Off, Off, Off, Off) Broadway!

A year or so ago I was reading through some of the OT history books (1 Samuel – 2 Chronicles, specifically), and I was overwhelmed by God's faithfulness to Israel despite their ongoing cycle of repentance and rebellion. What a model of my own life. Well, I had this idea to do a "one man show" telling some of these stories and punctuating them with songs from the Psalms written during the times of the stories I'd be telling.

Well, last night I got my first stab at it. Our pastor has been out of town for the last two weeks, and he asked me to speak in his absence at our mid-week service. Since it is more of a casual, singing-and-talking type setting, I decided this would be the perfect place to role out version 1.0.

I focused my message on David, the situations surrounding how he got two of his wives, and highlighting God's will amidst our sinfulness.

I picked out some songs, recruited some players, and we practiced our butts off for the last week. Another friend Andy helped with figuring out some tricky chords, and Malcolm pitched in to help me hone my message. This was the result:

David: The Music, the Mistakes, and the Message

The songs performed are (in order):

"Psalm 18" by Waterdeep
"Psalm 51" by Sons of Korah
"Psalm 95" by Sons of Korah

Unfortunately after four days in a row of practicing and 20 minutes straight of talking and singing, my voice didn't quite make it through the final song very well. :-)  But other than that, I was totally thrilled with how it came out.

The highlight for me was when a lady came up afterwards and said, "It all makes sense now! I get how those were actually songs that David wrote to God while he was going through those times!" I love it when it all clicks. God rules.