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X-Stream Games Live On

Last summer, I told some of the Young Adults that we work with at church about The X-Stream Urinal Games I had invented at work. (It was discussed over lunch, so it was totally normal, appropriate, and healthy.)

One guy in particular, Jonathan, was greatly interested. He wanted to take them back to college (FSU) with him. We laughed, but every now and then when he'd be home for a weekend or we'd email, he'd mention it.

Then we had an event over Thanksgiving and he brought them up again. Saying he'd invented some new ones. One thing led to another and well... Now the world is made a little bit better by this:

The X-Stream Urinal Games Committee Official Website

Ask Alfredo: Dominoes

Alfredo is a 2nd generation Cuban-American who knows many things. If there is a question you have ever wanted answered, now you can Ask Alfredo.

Light-eared Laura from Orlando asks: Dominoes seems like such a simple game. Why is it taken so seriously by Cubans, especially men? And why do they have to SLAM down the tiles?

Laura, Laura, Laura...

The game of dominoes may seem silly to the uninformed (For clarification: that would be…you). Let me begin by explaining the meaning behind the word "domino". The Cuban men who sit around that table slamming pieces down are actually playing an ancient and powerful "game" that only seems simple to outsiders.

Excuse me while I prepare myself to explain the obvious, yet again, to the uneducated masses (roll eyes…inhale deeply…sigh) Ok. Now I am ready.

The word "domino" is Latin and it means "master". The Latin phrase "Dominus, Domino" is translated "Master, Lord". Now that I have taught you this, I can anticipate your next question: "Alfredo, how do you know so much? How do you understand so many other languages?" ("especially Latin", you say, "since it is a dead language?")

Please! Focus on one question at a time! I can answer many at once, but it would only confuse you.

Here are some examples of the root word “dom” in history:

• Dom Perignon: Master of excessive spending
• Dom DeLuise: Master of 70s comedy
• Dom-inos Pizza: Master of the two-for-Tuesday special

As you can (now) see, throughout history we see dom, domino and dominus used to teach us about power.

Now let’s look at it from another perspective—what children do with dominoes. The simple game of lining up dominoes in a row only to knock them over and watch them topple is a frustrated cry of the very weak. As I have shown you, the domino represents power, virility, manhood, and dazzling good looks. That is why that child’s game is sometimes referred to as "lining up the Cubans".

Very few people know (but I will reveal it to you) that some of history’s greatest decisions have been made around the table of a dominoes game:

Christopher Columbus almost sailed up the Okeechobee Inland Waterway and laid claim to Clewiston, Florida. After a rousing game of dominoes in his cabin, he decided instead to steer south and land in Oriente, Cuba. Later, in tribute to this pivotal dominoes game, the Cubans planted sugar cane all around Clewiston, which now enjoys the nickname “the sweetest town in America”. All this is because of dominoes, Cubans, and sugar (some might call this "the holy trinity"). Incidentally, Sarita’s Cuban Café on US 27 in Clewiston will make you a delicious café con leche AND tell you some great stories of Cuban history for 65 cents.

So, as you can see, the domino tile is a symbol of power. Strength. Refined yet raw potency. The question is not, "Why do they HAVE to slam down the tiles?" The question is "How could they NOT slam down the tiles?"

Can a rutting watusi NOT mate with his herd? Can a nuclear power plant NOT light a city? Can double negative NOT be not confusing?

I hope you are enlightened by my words, and that they have awakened in you an awareness of the passion and energy that is contained in even one small, plastic, made-in-China domino.

Alfredo

You can leave your question and love letters for Alfredo in the comments.

Oh, How They Danced

I'm pretty intrigued by this new board game from Titantic Games called Stonehenge: An Anthology Board Game ($50). The games themselves seem alright, but it's the concept that has caught my interest.

Stonehenge genuinely isn't like any other board game. If anything, it's more like a deck of cards: When you buy that pack, you don't just get one game—you get many, many games. You get a host of games that you know, and the promise of new games that you don't know. And so it is with Stonehenge.

When you buy Stonehenge, you get a big box of cool-looking parts. You get a board, and a deck of cards, and more than a hundred plastic pieces in lots of different colors and shapes. But with Stonehenge, you don't just get one game to play with those parts. Instead, we start you off with five great games from five of the industry's top board game designers. And these games aren't just variations on a theme—they're totally different games.

There are five games (descriptions on the website) that come with the box, three more to come in the soon-to-be-released expansion pack, and a free game (PDF) from Knucklebones magazine.

It's not often that you see innovation in board games, so this is kinda cool!

Bonus points to whoever cites where the title of this post came from.

Let's Get Mathmatical

Alright, all you math geeks. Help me crack this code. I have a table of numbers that increase. I've knocked out the increase between each on the right. It's pretty easy to see that the "previous difference + 4000 = new difference".

	Value	Increase
1.	2000	0
2.	8000	6000
3.	18000	10000
4.	32000	14000
5.	50000	18000
6.	72000	22000
7.	98000	26000
8.	128000	30000
9.	162000	34000
10.	200000	38000

What I'm interested in is figuring out a formula that describes this increase. Assuming I start with "2000", what is the formula that calculates the increase to level 2, level 3, etc? Is there one formula that can account for the initial increase of 6000 and then still be accurate past that initial bump? There might not be, but you all are smarter than I am.

I imagine this will be painfully obvious to those of you who are inclined toward math. There is also a good chance I'm approaching this for the entirely wrong direction.

If you're wondering what the basis for this is, it has to do with calculating the value of magic weapon creation (see table on right after link) in D&D.

Thrilling, I know.

The X-Stream Urinal Games

When you drink as much Diet Coke as we do around the office, you spend a lot of time at the urinal. And if you spend as much time at the urinal as I do, you get bored and start thinking of ways to maximize your down time.

That was a joke. As anyone who went to college with me knows, “maximizing my down time” means “taking a nap”.

But my mind does start to wander while I’m vacuously staring at the works of Zurn and Kohler, so I decided to come up with some games to play whilst waiting. Ya know, little contests to fill the time. Kinda like having you kids turn cleaning up their room into a game. But now with body waste.

I shared my first game with my co-workers, and together we created a series of challenges—and the X-Stream Urinal Games were born.

The only requirements for these games are a steady stream, strong Kegel muscles, and a urinal with a motion-sensitive flushing system. Here are the games.

Oh, and tinkling on the floor, while not grounds for disqualification, is frowned upon. You gotta set the bar high, or you’re not doing anybody any favors.

The Single
This is the basic skills test. Start urinating, then begin walking backwards until the sensor triggers a flush. Walk back to the urinal, maintaining stream.

The Double
Just like The Single, but twice. Start urinating, walk back far enough to trigger the sensor, return to urinal, walk backwards again to trigger sensor, then return to urinal. Maintain your stream the entire time.

The Triple
I think you can guess how this works. A word of advice—you really should build up to this. And you gotta have a REALLY full bladder. But take it from me, it can be done.

The 360
Start urinating, stop stream, spin around, start urinating again. Make sure you really have that bad boy sealed off before you pull your Fred Astaire.

The Globetrotter
The Single followed by The 360.

The Switcharoo
Requires two urinals. Start urinating, stop stream, then move over to second urinal. Finish there.

I’m sure even more can be added to this list. Is not our imagination boundless? If you come up with any others, post them in the comments. The world will be a better place for it.

The Swing

I'm not sure why I love this comment as much as I do, but... I do.

I love football because it is such a subtle sport (and partly because i too grew up in KC). At first glance it is no more than a mob of beast-men man-handling one another, but the more you watch, and the more attention you give it, it becomes so much more than the civilized WWF Royal Rumble that it appears to be, it is a true thinking man’s game that requires as much strategy and cunning as coordinating a battle plan in an actual war.

That brings me to another point - why I hate Madden (the video game). It thoroughly pisses me off when I put so much thought into my game plan only to have my opponent call a hail mary every play and end up scoring on almost every possession. I guess that is what happens when the only person you have to play Madden with is your wife.

Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together

Dungeons & Dragons and polyhedral pecan pie. Mmmm...

King Me

The moment I have been waiting for since April, the games are here.

Kill Doctor Lucky

I remember someone in my circle of friends (maybe the Saxtons?) that played a couple Cheapass Games products. And liked them. I mention this because new company Titanic Games is releasing a board game version of Kill Doctor Lucky.

I always liked the philosophy behind Cheapass Games—basically, since all games are mostly the same, you already own all the "parts" you need for any game. So they sell you the basic cards and rules for cheap, you provide the accessories—but never got around to actually buying any of them, ironically enough.

Any recommendations? And if you've played, does a board game version of Kill Doctor Lucky seem like a good idea?

For the true cheap ass, they offer a selection of free games, most played with either dice or a standard deck of cards. Or your ceiling fan.

The King Is Comin'

Way back in April, I mentioned that it looked like BK was planning on releasing three Xbox titles featuring the King. Well, thanks to my dear friend Pudge's ever watchful eye, I can now give you links to screen grabs! Woohoo!

Looks like we'll have a pocket bike racer, a bumper car, and some sort of strange stalker/abduction game. Full gallery here.