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The Beauty Of Be-ing

If you've seen my handwriting (or my father's), you know that it ranges somewhere between chicken scratch and epileptic seizure. But every now and then, as if by the grace of God himself, some non-hideous letterforms slip out.

I was journaling just now, and literally stopped mid-sentence when I saw this "be".

"I did that?" I wondered. "Yes. It appears I am still holding the pencil in my hand, poised just the next word over. And all the other words around it are written in my usual "codebreaker" font. But I wish the "e" had been a little lower, just the kiss the line. Not a full on tongue kiss, mind you. And... I'm alone in my cube, wondering all this."

It was at this point I realized that talking to myself was a sure sign of something just not quite right, so I finished my entry and headed to the scanner.

To blog about the word "be" that I wrote.

That's totally normal, right? Of course it is.

Always Something To Be Thankful For

One of the things I struggle with as a dad is how to develop in my children an attitude of thankfulness. I know how easy it is for me to focus on my own problems while completely ignoring all the incredible blessings in my life. And I know how freeing it is to be able to be thankful for what I do have instead of wanting and wishing for something else or a different lot in life.

Every day on the way in to work, I stop by the employee grill and buy a soda (free refills all day!). Kelley is the lady that usually works there, and we always chat a bit. This morning it was the usual, "Got any plans for Christmas?" type stuff.

She tells me a little of what she's doing, then she says, "But I got my Christmas wish. My older brother called last night."

Turns out he just turned 58, lives in Arizona, and is homeless. He borrowed somebody's cellphone to call her and wish her a Merry Christmas. And to ask her to track down his birth certificate because his wallet got stolen and he needs a new picture ID. He's made friends with a trucker who lets him sleep under his semi at night to stay warm.

A call from her brother, whom she hasn't heard from in four months. That was her Christmas wish. Mine seem downright selfish and vapid in comparison.

The older I get, the more I realize how blessed I am, even when things are rough. I'm going to celebrate Christmas morning surrounded by more "things" than some people will own in their whole life. In a house with heat and lights and plumbing and beds and food. With family I can laugh with and hug and share an enormous meal with.

Are there tough times? Yeah. Is the hurt and pain and sorrow real? Yeah. But we're going to be okay. We're going to be just fine.

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow
Praise Him, all creatures here below
Praise Him above, ye Heavenly Host
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
    The Doxology

Festival Bay—The Oddest Mall Of All

Went to the Festival Bay Mall today at lunch for the holiday 70% employee discount cha-ching!) at the Universal Orlando outlet store there. And it struck me again what a strange, yet adorable, mall it is.

See, on the periphery, it has some large, successful stores—Ron Jon Surf Shop, Bass Pro Shops Outdoor World, Vans (with a indoor/ourdoor skate park), and Monkey Joes. But inside... it's like a ghost town half the time. I guess the upside is that what it lacks in customers it makes up for with ample parking space.

But the added layer of "Homie say what?" is the assortment and juxtaposition of the (every changing) stores that reside there.

Next to the Bass Pro Shop is Jones New York. There's an honest-to-goodness art gallery down the hall from Zires Emporium, one of those shops packed to the gills with "exotic" trinkets and crap. And next to the Black Market Minerals (read: rock shop) is the Lil' Tractor Company that sells nothing but John Deere merch. Actually, maybe that makes a little more sense. At least you can excavate with your Deere.

Dreams of Fantasy AND the Fantasy Arcade both reside here. As do Shepler's Western Wear and the Putting Edge glow-in-the-dark indoor putt-putt course. The Hilo Hattie—which featured "The World's Largest Hawaiian Shirt"—went out of business, only to be replaced by "Welcome To Paradise" which is... going out of business.

And if you're looking for the most phallic looking logo outside the Castro district, head straight to ChurroMania, with it's cream-filled, oozing, deep-fried doughy treats.

In some ways, I'm amazed that it's still open. But there it is—all full of hopes and dreams—with it's carousel ride of shops and restaurants, ready for your business.

Nog Blog, Part 3—Take 2

Alright, last night I made a double batch of the Top Nog recipe from The Traveler's Lunchbox for today's work Christmas party/White Elephant gift exchange celebration fantastico. Definite improvements were made from the Thanksgiving batch.

1. I had the vanilla beans this time. Good to have all the ingredients.
2. I kept a closer eye on the "bring to boil, then remove from heat" part, so the whole thing didn't boil over onto the stove top, taking half the spices with it.
3. I beat the yolks a little longer than I think I needed to, but the result was that the nog was thicker, which was something I wanted. Serendipitous!
4. Before adding the heavy cream, I strained the mixture through cheesecloth, not just a strainer. This kept most of the spices (which don't disintegrate) out of the final product. Only little flecks of vanilla bean guts made it through, which was actually quite attractive

So there ya go. Enjoy!!

The 12 Songs Of Christmas Project

Short Version: Starting Sunday, I will be posting a Christmas song on my Tumblr every morning. One song per day ending on Christmas. If you’d like a little Christmas music to start the day off with, enjoy.

Oh, if you wanted to revisit the “Christmas Is Coming” soundtrack created by readers of this very blog two (!!) years ago, here’s the final post (typos and all). Maybe I’ll put the files up again for a 24 hour special…

Long Version: The last month or so has been particularly… rough. And one of the side effects of this particular roughness has been a lack of interest in listening to music (bordering on lack of ability to). Considering what a huge part of my life music has played, on a daily basis, that’s been extra tough.

But I also know that music has a healing effect for me. And as I started to come around another bend or two last week, I started thinking about Christmas. A couple of songs popped to mind that I wanted to post on Christmas Eve and Day, which later led to the idea of doing a “12 days of Christmas music” thing.

I know, I know. The 12 Days of Christmas are actually Christmas to Epiphany. But listening to Christmas music in January is kinda like having a Halloween party after October 31, even if November 1 is a Saturday. It’s just a little late. Much like me to parties.

Anyway, if you like listening to Christmas music, you generally like to listen to it before Christmas. So, one song a day for 12 days, ending on the 25th. I’ll update this post with links at the bottom to each song as they come out.

I wanted to do one song and a bonus “bit”, but Tumblr only lets you have one song per day. I thought of some ways to get around it (YouTube, a second tumblr, etc), but figured I’d let the boundaries be my guide.

I’ve tried to pick some fun songs, some touching songs, some contemporary, some classic. Enjoy. And Merry Christmas.

The Songs
Day 1—"O Little Town Of Bethlehem" by Hangnail
Day 2—"Jingle Bells" by Barenaked Ladies
Day 3—"I Celebrate The Day" by Relient K
Day 4—"My Christmas Memory" by Patton Oswalt
Day 5—"Early On One Christmas Morn" by Bruce Cockburn
Day 6—"O Holy Night" by Tracy Chapman
Day 7—"The Nutcracker Suite" by The Brian Setzer Orchestra
Day 8—"Jesu, Joy Of Man's Desiring" by Jay Steele & Arden Wahlberg
Day 9—"Re-Gifting For The Holidays" by The Alice Project
Day 10—"Find Our Way Home" by Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Day 11—"Merry Christmas Eve" by Better Than Ezra
Day 12—"Welcome To Our World" by Chris Rice

I Want (Ali) To Ride (Her) Bicycle

Ali has a bike (“Turquoise! My twelfth favorite color!”) that she is sporadically learning not to fall on. It does not have training wheels. They never were really the right height on her older, smaller bike, and I never got around to putting them on the new one. So instead, I do the “running alongside holding the handlebars” thing.

After a few outing of this, I got the sense that she wasn’t getting much better at riding a bike. In fact, I started to think that my approach wasn’t going to result in success anytime soon. I was in too much control. She wasn’t learning how to handle the bike by herself. And for someone as… challenged… with balance and coordination as she is, she needed to get the feel for it.

So I did what any self-respecting father would do. I got off my butt and put the training wheels on the new bike.

No.

I googled.

See, I figured that training wheels were too common and had been around too long to be the best solution. Somebody had to have invented a better mousetrap. And I didn’t see how a different kind of crutch (training wheels instead of me) would help her get to where she needed to be. Turns out I was on to something.

Long story short(ish), my plan is to take off the pedals and lower the bike seat until she can sit on the seat while having her feet flat on the ground. Then she can push herself around, picking up her feet as she goes, and get a feel for balance and propulsion. Once she can do this fairly easily, I’ll put the pedals back on, raise the seat, and run alongside her again.

But here’s the catch—I won’t be up front.

Instead, you’re supposed to run behind them, hands on shoulders to just steady them. Apparently, holding the handlebar like I did is a total idiot dad thing to do. I should be ashamed and turn in my testosterone. And honestly, after thinking through the physics of it, it makes sense. I’m a little ashamed.

But I’m gonna make up for it.

There’s some beautiful analogy to be had here about life and how to raise/love your kids and helping them learn on their own and supporting them, but I’ve already taxed your attention span enough for one post.

Anyone got any tips of their own for this one?

Additional Reading:
International Bicycle Fund: Tips for Teaching / Learning to Bicycle
Dot Physics: Teach Your Child To Ride A Bike
Wired: GeekDad Rates 7 Methods for Learning to Ride a Bike
Free How To: Learn to Ride a Bicycle. Teach kids to Bike with NO TRAINING WHEELS

X-Stream Games Live On

Last summer, I told some of the Young Adults that we work with at church about The X-Stream Urinal Games I had invented at work. (It was discussed over lunch, so it was totally normal, appropriate, and healthy.)

One guy in particular, Jonathan, was greatly interested. He wanted to take them back to college (FSU) with him. We laughed, but every now and then when he'd be home for a weekend or we'd email, he'd mention it.

Then we had an event over Thanksgiving and he brought them up again. Saying he'd invented some new ones. One thing led to another and well... Now the world is made a little bit better by this:

The X-Stream Urinal Games Committee Official Website

Nog Blog, Part 2—The Present

Before I go on, let me say that if you’re sitting there thinking, “I don’t like egg nog” because all you’ve ever had is store-bought nog, give the stuff a second chance. Both of the batches I made were silky smoother (yet still creamy) and far more flavorful than what you’d pick up in the store.

Which brings us to this Thanksgiving.

The food bug has been biting me pretty hard over the last few months. I’d whipped up some Minestrone Soup and several batches of The World’s Best Chocolate Chip Cookies, much to everyone’s delight. And when I needed to get my Amazon order to $25 for free shipping, I dropped in the 10th Anniversary Edition of Mark Bittman’s How To Cook Everything which had just been published that week.

Granted, I only had $3 worth of stuff in my cart to begin with, so maybe I was over-justify a bit. Moving on…

I’d been thinking ahead to the office Christmas party, wanting to bring something other than the fan-favorite Jelly Weiners and it hit me—let’s do egg nog again. I had some store-bought stuff in the fridge that had been tickling my taste buds, including some yummy Pumpkin Spice Egg Nog, but I had a hankering to make something better. I also like to try and add a new dish to holiday meals every so often, so that made Thanksgiving the perfect trial run.

My first stop was Orangette. When someone gives you recipe to The World’s Best Chocolate Cookies, you tend to revere them a bit. Sure enough, she had a recipe that had been passed down over four generations. Sounds good to me! The fact that she called it “beguilingly boozy” only heightened my interest.

But since there would be younglings (and a sober alcoholic) at Thanksgiving, I thought it would be best to also have a kid-friendly batch as well. For that, I ended up following a comment from Orangette’s post to a recipe at The Traveler’s Lunchbox that looked promising.

Recipes and ingredients in hand, I set about on Thanksgiving morn’ to nog some eggs.

I’ll skip the production part and jump straight to the assessment.

J. P. Hartt’s Egg Nog (via Orangette, non-cook): I wouldn’t call this “beguilingly boozy”. I’d call it “unabashedly boozy”. I think you could sterilize medical instrument in this stuff it was so liquor-ful. Which also made it delicious! I made this one first and was pretty happy with it. I think I might tone down the liquor a tad if I made it again (not sure about bringing booze to the at-work office Christmas party), but overall a success.

Top Nog (from The Traveler’s Lunch Box, cooked): Orangette’s was good. This one was amazing. Divine. Transcendent.

This one has a depth imparted by spices instead of booze. And I think the big difference with this one, and pointed to what I was disappointed with all those years ago, was that I think cooked egg nog has a distinct flavor advantage over uncooked.

Keep in mind, I’ve only made egg nog four times (and only three times successfully), but the cooked version has a melding of flavors and a character that the uncooked ones just don’t have. Maybe it’s just a better recipe. Maybe it’s just a taste preference. But I think the cooking has something to do with how it all the flavors come together. Through and through, it has all these little “notes”, to steal from the winos. Synergy!

Needless to say, it was a HUGE hit. Even people who didn’t really care for egg nog said it was good. And I loved the frickin’ stuff.

The trade off is, of course, in time and effort. Non-cooked egg nog can be prepared in a fraction of the time it'll take you to cook (and then chill) the cooked stuff.

All in all, you can’t go wrong with either recipe, although I obviously prefer the Top Nog. And if you wanted to add alcohol to that recipe, go for it! Maybe even take the ratio of liquors (there were four) from Orangette’s and drop it in. No guarantees on how that will change the flavor or the consistency, though. You’re on your own, but let us know if you do it.

In terms of improvement, both were a little thinner than I’d like. When finishing them up in the days following Thanksgiving, I ended up augmenting them with store-bought nog to give them a little more substance. Next time (next week?), I plan on cooking the mixture a bit longer in an effort to thicken it up a bit. We’ll see.

If you’re looking to liven up your next holiday gathering, or just looking to indulge yourself a smidge, I say nog it up. And if doesn’t go as planned, don’t wait 10 years to try again!

Nog Blog, Part 1—The History

If you follow my tumblr, you saw the pics of me egg noggin’ it over Thanksgiving. Which means this post is well over a week past due. But life was busy with its happenings of late, so here it is now, still in plenty of time for your Christmas gatherings.

Before we can go back to Turkey Day, though, we have to go back to the winter of 1995. Still a bachelor, I shared a townhouse with two college buddies, Jon and John. My two cookbooks were paperback book-sized versions penned by the timeless Betty Crocker and Better Homes and Gardens.

But one Christmas (well, the only Christmas I had in that house), I decided I was going to make egg nog. I love me some egg nog and being a poor college dropout, I figured “If I can make the stuff myself, It’ll taste better, be cheaper, and I’ll have more!”

There are two types of nog recipes—ones where you cook the eggs and ones where ya don’t. The first recipe I tried was a “cooked egg” recipe. Eggs, milk, sugar and spices all went into the pot as I cooked and stirred and cooked and stirred and got distracted and didn’t pay enough attention to the stirring and by the time I got back to the pot I noticed that stirring gave me a little resistance. Like there was some “stuff” down there. And I knew that egg nog doesn’t have “stuff”.

A quick scoop with a spoon followed by a taste test revealed that I was cultivating a very sweet batch of scrambled eggs. The stew went down the drain, and I went to the store to buy me some nog.

A year or two later, now living with Laura in our apartment, I decided to try again. Determined to avoid any possibility of the failure of the previous attempt, I choose a non-cook recipe. Because if I don’t have to cook the eggs, I can’t scramble them, right?

Let me make a short aside here about salmonella and raw eggs. Does it exist? Yes. Is it pervasive and risky? No. A U.S. Department of Agriculture study from 2002 indicates that only 0.003% (if I do my math right) of commercially produced eggs are infected. And of people who did get sick from bad eggs, about 94% recovered without ever visiting their doctor. Less than 0.5% of those infected died. All in all, eating a raw egg is probably safer than a half dozen other things you’re going to do today. Maybe even something you’re doing right now.

If you’re still freaked out, using cage-free, organic eggs reduces your chances even further since bad eggs come from sick chickens. If you don’t have any hippie chickens near you, you can use pasteurized shell eggs and be 100% confident. Or get yourself some backyard chickens and keep them healthy.

Back to the nog.

Attempt Numero Dos was a success (as in: it actually produced drinkable nog), and everyone really seemed to like it. However, over the course of the holiday party at which it was served, I had to be very mindful of keeping it cold (because of the non-cookitude), and there was just something… not quite what I was hoping for about the flavor, even though it was yummy. But I wouldn’t realize what that was until years later.

As in “last Thanksgiving”. More on that tomorrow.